To follow on from my last post on writing while travelling, I wanted to share something I first thought about during 2020’s lockdown while I was living in Wellington. It’s the idea of unproductive guilt and how it’s shaped my life and habits – even without knowing about it before.
It’s something we’ve been taught to accept as normal or ignore until now. At least, that’s how it feels being brought up in the UK.
Well, I’m calling it out, and I’d be interested in hearing what you think.
What is unproductive guilt?
Quite simply, unproductive guilt is when you feel guilty for doing something that doesn’t produce something tangible at the end. Everyone will have different ideas of what that tangible ‘goal’ is, which makes it harder to identify. The idea of spending time doing something you love, i.e., reading, gaming or even taking a nap is almost considered a waste.
Even as a writer, where I do genre research through gaming, watching films or reading, it’s frowned upon. I should be doing exercise, or building something, studying and progressing my career with a course.
That I don’t is something we feel we have to justify and explain why we’re doing it. Simply for enjoyment is not adequate.
How I avoided this guilt pre-pandemic
I had a fairly stable life before leaving the UK to travel. I lived alone in a little flat and had a good start to my 9-5 career in the content space of digital marketing. I’d study and do courses on an evening before moving on to working on my WIPs. It was fairly routine and gave me something tangible at the end of each task and day.
I sacrificed a lot during this time, such as social events and opportunities, nicer food, things I wanted to buy and more. I wanted to save up for editing services, a good cover and to fund my travels when the time came. However, if I didn’t have a new story, chapter or page to show, I felt like I’d wasted my time.
Overall, it was fine, but just fine.
Then I left the UK. From 2018 to 2021 I travelled Australia and Aotearoa New Zealand. My writing became more sporadic, but I spent more time meeting people and doing some awesome stuff (check out Innate Wanderings for more of that).
I didn’t feel guilty about writing less because I was gaining experiences that I couldn’t get anywhere else. Balanced with periods of work where I could knuckle down and write, I actually made great progress on my first sci-fi trilogy and wrote the second book.
Changing my approach to unproductive guilt
Then came the pandemic in 2020. I was in Wellington at this point and had a stable job for the time being. It was an odd time, as I was in a share house and the only one working (albeit from home) during the lockdown.
The messages from work were mixed. We were to look after ourselves, but the team I was in seemed to have more work to do than ever. I did everything I could to stay on top of it all, which wasn’t the healthiest way of coping.
I was away from home, unable to explore the beautiful country I was in, and the work kept piling up. It felt like burnout was coming, but my team forced me to take time for myself. Being cooped up meant that I could look at myself. What I wanted, what I was doing and how I could achieve it.
One thing I’d learned during my travels was that I loved to explore new places and do new things. I found it energising, invigorating and inspiring. Lockdown stopped me doing it but didn’t stop me making plans. When I could get out again, I made sure to explore more local areas to start with.
I balanced that with writing regularly even after lockdown and recognised that some days I just wanted to binge a TV show. Even though I felt guilty at first for wasting a day, but I got ideas from them. I learned what worked in a story, and what didn’t.
Viewing the ‘nothing’ from binging a TV show or playing a game as an outcome, even if that outcome was enjoyment, made me appreciate it even more.
Looking for the ‘something’ in ‘nothing’
I don’t have all the answers, but if there’s one takeaway from this, it’s to give yourself a break every now and then. Don’t feel guilty for ‘wasting time’ or having nothing to show. That ‘nothing’ is ‘something,’ and it can do you wonders. Unproductive guilt is something that feels like it has been designed to keep us working to someone else’s needs, rather than our own – and I don’t want that to rule me anymore.
Sometimes, especially when you have a problem to solve or a block ahead of you, letting your mind work on it subconsciously is one of the best things you can do. Try doing something completely different to switch off – my favourite is swimming. It lets me focus on just one thing and I tend to make a lot of progress after a good swim.
Trust me, taking a break really does help.
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